你不是真正的快乐

曾经有个男孩很让我心动。
在我生病的时候，是他骑着摩哆，半夜为我送来一包暖暖的苦茶。
一封又一封的简讯，提醒我早睡，多喝水，别洗头，记得盖被单。
肚子饿的时候，他总会刚好也说，诶，我很饿，一起去吃东西。
有次下着毛毛雨，他犹豫了很久，应不应该带我去吃宵夜。
因为他担心我淋雨了，会生病。
在通宵做project时，他陪我想solution，一起熬到早上。
我的隐形眼镜掉了，带着一边的隐形眼镜去考试，是他问了我度数后
二话不说，就买了一对新的。
每天最快乐的事情也不过是半夜坐着摩哆，和他绕过山路。
从来在他身边，都会觉得很放心。

可是何奈，对他来说，我只是个再普通不过的朋友。
他从没发现，我。。
那一年的圣诞节，大家都在玩雪花，
他和我擦肩而过，护着一个女孩。
我连叫住他的勇气都失去了。
到最后，我们都不再联络了。

如今，那两张我们一起看的戏票，都已经退色了
偶尔遇见，也只是笑笑问好
只是今天和朋友聊起，忽然又想起他了。
虽然当时觉得不舍，但现在回想，
还是很谢谢他，让我感受过喜欢一个人的感觉。
我们是朋友，可是他还是让我学了很多。

像女王说的，
每一个男友/女友，在你人生中，都扮演了不同的角色
每一个男生/女生，都是上帝派来教导你不同事情的老师，或许他是天使，或许他是恶魔，不管你快乐与痛苦，最后你学到许多东西，你的人生会更成长更坚强，更懂事更成熟，因为你从他们生上学到了‘爱情’，你在爱情里找到了自己。

在寻找男友/女友的角色的过程，我们也找到了自己，这段寻找的过程到了最后，我们真正需要的是，一个能点燃你生命的另一半。

                                              -- adapted from I am Queen

我不懂，发生了什么事。
你总是很轻易的带过，让大家都忘了问起。
所有的事，我也只能看fb去猜测。
你不说，我不问。
可是却也知道，你不是真正的快乐。

我不开心时，是你陪我熬过的。
虽然我懂，可能我不是你想要诉说的那一个，
可是你不开心时，我仍希望，我也能够在你身旁。
别SAD了。:)

‘不要哭，答应自己，不管别人说什么，都不要哭。’

对号入座

是的，当一个人做错一件事，在别人说话时，总是特别敏感。这是经过实验的哦！说者无心，听者有意。当一个人觉得被对方针对，就会开始钻牛角尖，把所有鸡毛蒜皮的事都搬出来数。不管哪个人是否说着自己，他都会认定对方是在说着他。这是很多人都会做的事。因为大家都有着一种心虚~

Truth is needed, not harsh words. I rather be an audience than an actor. So i'm sitting at the first row seat, with popcorn in my hands. Relaxing on comfy cushion rather than getting in the scene fighting for survival against thousand of bullets. I don't care, who want me to be in scene, or if i really in the scene. I don't get paid for that.


你哋要死，我劝得就劝。但系如果你哋真系想死，我阻止不到。

客串嗻，咪咁认真。

One of my friend saids that he is bugged by someone irritating. Sometimes why care what they crap? Everyone can crap what they want (including me!) but same theory that everyone can choose what words to go to your heart. So if you don't wanna listen, then just smile and fold your ears, like you're deaf when he start crapping. Well, at least it works for me everytime. Don't let someone not worthing to ruin your day. :)

If you don't like me, you can do that too. In fact, i would recommend you not to read my blog, as i know it's a very torturing thing to read a blog wrote by some one you hate. You have to spend time to read every post and then spend more time hate every post. :)

Dad is going Brazil next month for two weeks with all expenses under company's bill. I beg him to bring a plus one, but it's a total NO from him. So not cool.:( Urgh! I want Brazil hot guys and shopping mall! Then he lured me that he is going Austria on June, well, though i wished to go too, but i know he won't be so kind. So i'm asking for swarovski crystal instead! :D

By the way, i love the Date, i love the Night. i love Date Night!^^ It's really a nice movie! Real Funny! Well, holidays aren't so bad actually.

so scared, so scared. I can feel my heartbeat is like a thousand deer running. Scare of what? Actually i don't know too. Just scared, till i wanna hug Da Fei to sleep together. :(

bubbye year one!

copied from facebook: ;)

最遗憾的不是自己爱的人爱上了别人，也不是不爱了，而是明明是相爱的，却把感情一分为二，或者更多的份，还口口声声的说只是暧昧，不是感情，更不是爱，这是很让人怒发且难于接受的。暧昧，说白了，其实就是一种掩饰。一个人可以和很多人暧昧，但却是不可以爱着很多人的，所以暧昧是一个很好的借口。暧昧是一种等待确定的感情，可以随时随地的开始，也可以随时随地的结束。

虽然暧昧着是轻松的，但最后造成伤害一样是那么的痛。人的感情是很难控制的一种东西，心口不能如一，就是因为不想欺骗自己的感情，又不想隐瞒真实的感受。暧昧是糖，甜到忧伤。

暧昧永远都没有爱情重要，但请记得，如果一个人真正的爱你，是不会和你去暧昧的。如果你也爱一个人，请不要去和别人暧昧，因那样会伤到你们之间得来不易的爱情，也会伤害到其他人。暧昧只能弥补内心一时的空虚，是长久不了的。爱情，是容不下一点点的欺骗和虚伪的，更容不下的是 暧昧。

我讨厌爱搞暧昧的人。说难听点，我看不起你。明明是个滥情的人，却说得自己处于两难。明明得一想二，却敢做不敢认。明明把感情搞得一塌糊涂，还好意思说出来。最无聊的是我，明明不关我的事，却鸡婆的想slap你两巴掌。看到那么烂的你，我除了想两桶水泼醒那两个还对你死心塌地的女孩，告诉她们你一点都不值得以外，还想用香蕉塞进你的鼻孔，让你窒息而死！别再半夜call我，call一次骂一次！搞定你的问题才来跟我说话，明明是最幸福的那个，还敢给我摆出一幅‘我快死了’的样子，受不了！

Finally exam is over, including my little part time job. Feel like i'm not helping much, as what i taught tortoise n sf didn't come out in the final. Sorry~ i really thought depreciation is out of syllabus! :P But there's one thing come to my realise when i look back those account, i really know how to do (other than some that i forgot at first)!

I used to think that my account is so awful bad, but when i look back all the account in year1 year2, i realise that i actually know how to do it! I understand why this amount should be here, why that amount should be there, why this account should be debit, etc. So i really did learn something from last two years of diploma studies.

It's kinda surprise for me actually. I'm learning it, bit and bit without my notice. :) Well, it's really good to know that my account base is stronger than what i thought.

After this holiday, i'm a Year Two in Advanced Diploma student already, hopefully! Whee~ one step closer to my aim! Last time i wasn't so excited about going UK, but now all a sudden, i'm desperately wanting to go UK. Finish my last step, proving to myself of the accomplishment i made. It will be such a great thing for me, i mean it!

By the way, a temple is built near my hostel here, and now it got 'ko tai' every night after i finished my last paper. Can't really relax even after exam. Sigh, luckily i'm going home tomorrow so i don't have to bear with the noise that last till 12midnight for every night! I mean no disrespect but still it's really loud when i hear it from my room! Now a girl is singing '热情的沙漠' Urgh! :( and i can get my parcel of the dress that i ordered from Dainty Dresser too~ it's going to reach tomorrow, what a great timing.^^

What to do in holidays? Well i have it planned, just don't know if my plan works or not. *laughs* Gonna be lot's of resting, lot's of movies, lot's of food, lot's of sleeps! All the results, orientation week, repeat subjects, all throw it away first! Actually o week is not really my problem already. 

Watched When in Rome, it's simple yet nice~ i love Kristen Bell! I fell in love with her since i watch Forgetting Sarah Marshall! Can't wait for Prince of Persia and Ip Man II! It's been like ages since i last stepped in Gurney ( I really have that kind of feeling, hah!) and i can't remember the last movie i watched. *laughs*

Recommending a very nice song from Malaysian artist, Mizz Nina featuring Colby O Donis, in support of Malaysian production! whee~



Well, enjoy the two new songs for my blog too. I love it!

做什么事都要被人指责，教朋友account也被骂。

我真的很不爽！

我没有要你觉得我很厉害，也没有要你觉得你应该称赞我， 

但可不可以至少在我努力的时候，不给鼓励，也不要觉得我只是在给借口！

你的女儿没你想得那么差！我不是爱玩所以不回家！我真的只是帮别人，为什么就不能相信我！

BE POSITIVE!

Exam is getting closer and i'm starting to feel the fear. I feel like i can't finish all the syllabus! I really can't afford to fail any subject this semester. Cause if i fail now, means i have to resit in Year 2 Semester 3 which highly endanger my chances to go UK on time! Study study study~ I'm not a smart one, you know right? Tension is taking over my mind, i can't even laugh when i watch all the funny videos posted on Facebook.

Urgh! i wanna laugh, from inside out! Somebody makes me laugh please. I feel like i haven't laugh for ages and my eyebrows are going to stick together.

i'm trying to learn as much as i can before 14th which is too soon to come! only less than 12 hours left! My eyes are going to close any minute. Sigh~

BE POSITIVE! BE POSITIVE! BE POSITIVE! BE POSITIVE! BE POSITIVE!

Hopefully what i know will able to pass me! After Lao Hong finish his paper in the afternoon tomorrow then i'm going to eat SUSHI!!! Turn all the stress into appetite!! WOOHOO! i'm craving for the outside world! :)

Good luck to everyone else who is having exam now, especially those who is last ever semester now. This is the last chance for you guys so, make sure you really put in all the effort and try your best in examination hall. I'll pray hard hard for you. :)

Off to study. wish me luck. 

Exam, i love you, pass me please!

Hey morning~

Morning, world! It's a good weather day today!

Slept early last night so i woke up on 7something by myself today. I think most of the people still sleeping. Just love so much waking up seeing sun shine through my window. It makes the entire day feel fresh. 

How i wish i have the determination to wake up on this hour everyday. :)

Have a great day!

海子

《面朝大海,春暖花开 》

从明天起,做一个幸福的人 

喂马，劈柴，周游世界 

从明天起,关心粮食和蔬菜 

我有一所房子，面朝大海,春暖花开

从明天起，和每一个亲人通信 

告诉他们我的幸福 

那幸福的闪电告诉我的 

我将告诉每一个人 

给每一条河每一座山取一个温暖的名字
陌生人，我也为你祝福

愿你有一个灿烂的前程 

愿你有情人终成眷属 

愿你在尘世获的幸福 

我只愿面朝大海，春暖花开


                            ------ 海子


海子（1964－1989），本名查海生，安徽怀宁人。1983年毕业于北京大学，分配到中国政法大学工作。在完成《面朝大海，春暖花开》两个月以后，也就是1989年3月26日在河北山海关附近卧轨自尽。


这首诗，很美丽吧？却也很悲，很悲
看的时候，都有点舍不得，海子的伤心。
明明都是祝福的字眼，明明都是充满希望的句子。
为什么读起来，让人觉得那么悲伤？

但愿以后老了的我也可以做一个幸福的人，
有一所房子，面朝大海，春暖花开。
简单是福

By the way, i fell down in library today. haha.. Luckily it was about to close, not many people saw me. teehee..

and i forgot to take my exam slip AGAIN! Shit.. exam is coming soon and i haven't take a second check on my exam table yet too! Sigh.. This semester, two calculation papers, it's totally my weakness! So gah yao!!! >.<''' Every time exam is near, it makes me think of wan jun. I miss studying together with her. Resit was disastrous, but without those papers, we never find out we can be such good friends either. 

Sometimes things aren't really as bad as we seen, right? :)

i love the song i listened today, Monica-古巨基

真系心血少点，都被你激死~ 白厌星！xD

上天台快活 :)

其实其实，事先声明，这只是没事干，用一堆文字堆出来的update。可以skip的。

我懂我懂，应以自己喜欢的步伐，走自己想要走的路。
大家都告诉我，是应该这么做，当然我也懂。
只是有时雾太重，让我有些怯步。所以我不急，到知道了很多事，慢慢来，反而更好。
我想要好好的享受现在的生活，即使说心碎，心痛，也是个形容词。
没有人会因为觉得心碎，而心脏就真的碎了。要知道人类不是那么脆弱的。:)

我懂我懂，笑着总比哭着好，只是有时候眼泪的速度太快了，我来不及阻止。
我也明白大家都是自私的，我没有理由要求别人让着我。
但是有时候会幻想，事情都如自己想象的一样的话，那该有多好。
其实，我不懦弱，只是有时候，会忍不住瓦解。
因为每个人都有保护色，用水洗一洗，就会回到原本的自己。
如果可以再一次回到那个天台，让我听见和自己的对话，那该有多好。


我想，习惯了微笑的人，都有一个烦恼吧？不懂得什么时候才可以流泪。


其实其实，天天迷迷糊糊，忘东忘西的，反而没那么烦恼，
只是有些事情，就是在脑子里，挥之不去。
其实其实，我懂的，现在很在意的事，十年后回头看，我会一笑而之，
但现在，就是现在，趁我还可以任性妄为，让我好好的为自己的心情负责。
其实其实，我可以忘记三点钟是哪个方向，我可以不懂该怎么穿过繁忙的马路，我可以不知道筷子该要怎么拿，
但只要记得，彷徨时，还是会有人出现，就可以安心了


有人说，觉得犹豫时，抚着自己的心跳，听听它要说什么。我抚着规律的节拍，知道我的决定没有错，只是难不免会让自己受伤。但是自己割伤自己，至少学会长大。总好过有天被别人伤害，却不懂得防备。或许我真的很好强吧？但我想，好强多数是好事。



有个朋友，我不能亲口告诉他，却希望他知道，

别因为介意别人的眼光，而放弃自己喜欢的人，
委曲求全地去接受另一个人，只会让三个人都受伤。
为自己而活吧



一辈子只有三个字，却要用数十年才能写完              ------敷米浆








难得有心情想发泄，写一堆没人懂的，也总好过没update嘛。




-刚刚第一次看到无名虫的baby，刚刚也第一次，打死无名虫的baby。:D
-终于看完52集的金装四大才子，可惜金玉满堂没有粤语版啊~

Dear Hacker

Dear hacker,

i can't tell how glad i was when i know that you chose my facebook account to be hacked.

As i've been wondering why my facebook always kena site maintenance these two days, you appearance now solve my wonder. =)

I will be much appreciate if you don't make my private photo album to be view by all my friends. In case you don't understand, though i will not be affected much, but it's involving the reputation of my fellow friends. It will be serious consequences if the photo leak.

Also, i'm extremely thankful to you for changing my password on my behalf. Exam is around the corner, facebook has been my biggest distraction. What you did made me able to concentrate on my studies. As i was the 'incorrect password' on my screen for the 52391th time, i gave up on trying and turned myself to notes. Just so you know, i tried to change my password too. Just too bad that 'changing password service unavailable' shown on my screeen for few ten thousand times too.

So, i beg for your mercy, please kindly let me sign in when you finally done having fun with my facebook. 

Thank you.

Good Friday~

Wuang Ching came back and we went to Queensbay today. :) Oh~ my oh my~ long time since i last been there~ Not so long maybe, but last few time i went, i didn't really went through all the shops, only went to clothes shops. Keke..

So, today finally i had a good look of Queensbay and found a new shop, Material Collection. I think it start business since Febuary (and i never notice that....). Lots of cute stuff there, all made of recycled materials or recyclable materials. Of all of them, i love this one!

Chopstick Holder! *laughs* RM8, it's a little expensive, that's why i didn't buy it. Well the second reason is it makes the users look like kids, kinda paiseh.. haha! It's a holder that makes people with less skill using chopstick able to use it right. :)

"Its like eating with 2 number 2 pencils "

"It’s absolutely incredible, 1.3 billion people stay nourished because of these things."                                      
           Quoted from Spencer Reid in Criminal Minds.

This is what he said when he was using chopstick in the series of course. i was really impressed! That's why i remember it till now. :)


By the way, bought a new bag pack, FINALLY! i've been talking about it since ages! Converse~ love love~ and surprisingly, my laptop can fit into the bag, we first thought it was too small for my laptop, but it fits~~ Then, a new coin bank too. It is real cute, a seal look. I took pic but too bad my card reader is with Fish, or else i can share it here. and, a new item in my hairband collection, tiger ear! Well, wan jun finally bought shoes that she want too. Just too bad that me, wan jun n elooi enjoying shopping so much, while the guys, vincent, enson n xiao li waiting us outside almost every shop we went it. Their duty was just W A I T ~

still searching for this converse. :(

Don't have to match me up with anyone, I know my choice. My life is better with more freedom, let me run and maybe one day, i'll run to you. :)