How do you deal with the fact that you're not good enough?
How do you deal with the disappointment you have with yourself?
How do you stop the heat on your cheek and the burning in your chest when you saw someone flashing the medal on his hand? The medal you chased.
How do you live with the shame?
I wanted to be better, always. But all i feel is i'm walking backwards in everything in my life.
How did i end up here?
I try to find something to blame, or pretend that i don't care.
But the voice just keep following me everywhere, reminding me, it's just you.
YOU JUST DON'T HAVE IT IN YOU.
I'm forever a pushover, a slow learner, the less bright one, the careless and incompetent one.
What can you do better than others?
I keep asking myself all these years, but i just don't know how to answer.
I don't know how to lie to myself anymore.
I've been telling myself, no, don't get sucked into the black hole. If you're not good with it, you improve it, you try to learn it, you keep on practicing it. You will get it.
But i never get it. Still a pushover still a slow learner, still the less bright one, still careless and incompetent. It hurts to watch yourself when you are a failure.
Tell me how to be better, cause i don't know how to do it by myself anymore.
